Birth of Elijah

Once they decided it was time to deliver, things went pretty fast and before I knew it I was getting wheeled down to the OR. I was so glad that my doctor was on call that weekend. I was so nervous about having another c-section but I was even more nervous about what was going to happen to our precious baby boy. I had held on to so much hope durring the past few months and now I was going to face reality and I was not ready for it. As they doctors were getting ready to pull Elijah out I heard my doctor say he had a lot of hair. As they pulled him out and handed him to the NICU team we heard him let out a little cry! I thanked God for that moment. As they NICU team tried to work on his breathing I could see them across the room. Our son was finally here and he looked so perfect. A lot of times without amniotic fluid babies can have birth defects but he looked absolutely perfect. We heard another little cry as the doctors were working on him. They had to put him on a breathing tube and they needed to get him to the NICU. They brought him by my head so that I could take a look and give him a kiss before they headed out. Once I was in the recovery room the NICU doctor informed us that Elijah's lungs were not doing very well. I just kept thinking ...is this really happening. He informed us of some of the things they were going to do and he said they were going to try to get the scan for his kidneys done as soon as they could. After I while I was ready to head up to my room. They wheeled me by the Nicu so that I could see Elijah. He was hard to see from my bed. I was able to touch his little foot which he moved around as I rubbed it for a few minutes. I was then brought up to my room. The next few hours were a blur. I was pretty tired and out of it from the c-section. I was emotionally and physically tired and aching. I have no idea what time it was but the Nicu doctor came in and we heard the words that we feared most. Most of what he said was a blur but what stuck out was no kidneys and no bladder and I am sorry. In disbelief shock I had no idea what to do. I didn't know what to say or think. I wanted to just go and hold my precious son. I had to go down to the Nicu in a wheel chair and so soon after surgery and after being on bed rest for so long my body was too weak to do so. Finally in the morning the nurse was able to get my in a wheel chair and I was able to go and spend some time with Elijah. I studied his precious face, rubbed his forehead, let his little fingers wrap around mine, and just sat with him for as long as I could. I had to go back up to my room and rest and get some pain meds. We decided that after a couple of hours after everyone else had some time to spend with him we would make that horrible decision to take him off of his machines. I guess God knew that really I could not handle that decision. After just a couple of hours my Dad walked into our room and said they want you to come down stairs right away he is not doing good. So we headed down. I think I was still in shock if what was happening. Even now I wake up at night and think this all has to be a bad dream. We were able to finally hold our son. We tried to comfort him the best way we knew how. Those precious moments are all we have and we cherish them so much. Unless you have been through this you have no idea of what those moments were like for us and no words that I write can really explain them to you. Our son Elijah was born on the evening of October 31st which Potters syndrome (no kidneys) and left for the arms of Jesus on November 1st. His short time on this Earth touched more people then I could have possibly done in my entire life. I prayed in the hospital so much that I would be able to share the miracle of Elijah with people as a witness to God. It isn't the way that I expected but Elijah is still a miracle in many ways and I still hope that I am able to use him to touch others lives in ways I could not do on my own. I know that our precious son has changed our lives in more ways than we could have ever imagined.