Saturday, January 16, 2010
My baby brother is in heaven
These are words that Gabrielle should not understand, but she does. We decided it was best for Gabrielle to not be at the hospital when we had Elijah so she wasn't. The next day after we said good bye to our precious son we had to tell Gabrielle that her baby brother that she had been waiting for and praying for was not going to be coming home with us. We told Gabrielle that her baby brother was missing something on the inside and he was going to go to heaven with Jesus and would not be able to come home with us. She simply said "well I still love him" and went on about what she was doing. After we were home from the hospital for a couple of days we showed her some pictures of him. I think at that point it all became real to her. She cried and told us she never got to hold him. My heart just hurt for her. How was a 3 and a half year old supposed to understand all of this, I don't even understand all of this. She asked me one day if she was still a big sister and I told her of course she is. She often will tell people that she has a baby brother in heaven. Sometimes you can see the look in there face....they have no idea how to respond to that. To her though, she knows no different. She knows she has a baby brother in heaven and that is all she knows. Its sad that this is her life now too. This is part of her story, part of who she is, along with us...this is her "new normal".
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I was 18 when I lost my sister. And I truely know this new "normal." I get the weird looks about my sister being in heaven, but like you said I am still a younger sister. I will always be.
ReplyDeleteNow I am starting to experience Chloe telling people about her "angel" aunt. It is so hard. Like you my heart hurts.
I wish I could give words of encouragement, but all I can offer is a big hug for you and Gabrielle.
This post gave me chills Wendy. I remember telling Allie, my daughter who was 5 at the time we lost Samantha, that her sister wasn't coming home with us. She was so crushed. She just kept saying, "why, momma, why?" It's like, what kind of an answer is there? She held in all in for days, but I will never forget the day it all came out. She just burst into tears, I had never seen her cry so hard, or so long, and I just held her, looked at my husband with tears in his eyes, and cried. We all needed that together. That moment where we all missed her, and grieved for her together with no one else around. I spent so many years trying to protect Allie from the pain of my own childhood, that was covered with grief and loss, but the one thing I could not control has come to her anyway. Today she is nearly seven, and when we talk about her sister, she will get tears in her eyes, but she is the most loving compassionate child. She is stronger, and more sincere and sensitive than most kids her age, and I know that dealing with such big life issues at such a young age has to be a factor in that. i'm sorry I'm rambling about this... your post just really brought me back to that moment.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Your daughter sounds a lot like Gabrielle, she is a very loving little girl and very emotional. She definitely acts a lot older than she is. Maybe that has helped some in this situation.
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