Still surviving...

Only by God's strength am I surviving. Most days I don't even feel like myself. I know I will never be the same person I was before but some days I feel like I don't recognize myself anymore. I can't handle things I used to be fine with and I have hardly any patience where as before I had plenty to share. We are getting ready to move and I guess with all that added stress I feel like I am breaking down. I don't like change so moving is emotional. I am excited to see what is in store for us in our new house but I also don't like approaching the unknown. I hope once we move and the stress levels go down that I will find more peace. Right now I feel so on edge and emotional and I just don't know what kind of mood I am going to be in from one minute to the next. On May 2nd we went to a ceremony where a brick was dedicated in Elijah's honor at the Angel of Hope statue in our area. It was a nice ceremony. So sad to see all the other little bricks with names on them. So hard to see my son's name on one of them. The other day I was in the store waiting in line and heard the lady in front of me call to her son to come over to her and his name was Elijah. I fought off the tears as I watched them interact wondering how Elijah would look when he was that age. I know I will have those thoughts today, tomorrow and probably the rest of my life. I am able to make it through each of these moments by God's strength. I am praying for more peace and comfort as each day passes.