A Place for Me

The last week has been hard on me and I am sure it was due to many reasons. I celebrated my 30th birthday last week and although I wasn't really sad about turning 30, I was sad because I pictured my life so very differently. I am also someone very different now then I was before. Its also getting close to 6 months since we gave birth to and then said our good byes to our sweet Elijah. Six months seems like such a long time. The entire realization has set in and I don't find myself thinking "did this really happen to me" as much as I did before. I also am learning how to live my life now in this "new normal" and that is a hard thing to do. You finally come to a point where you have to choose to move forward. Not move on but move forward. I know I have to, but I am not sure how and that is so very hard.

At church on Sunday I could feel the emotions starting to rise from the minute we got there. During worship time were singing the lyrics..."he has a place for me" and that just sunk deep in my heart and in my soul and I could not stop the tears from flowing. I know I have read the following verse many times:
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." - John 14:1-3
Singing that during praise and worship I could just feel God's presence. I could feel him telling me that there is a place for me already in Heaven. My Son and I will be reunited someday. I always wondered what Heaven would be like and I know through my relationship with Jesus that I will be there some day but not until 6 months ago did I ever really truly wonder what our eternal life would be like. Never have I been so thankful that we have that gift waiting for us if we choose it. Its amazing how our entire perspective and our entire being changes after going down this path we have traveled. On the way home from church I just kept thinking about Gods word and how the verses I cling on to now I might have just passed over before and how verses I have read many times now take on an entirely different meaning. The tears just kept flowing. Sad tears because I am missing my son so much but also thankful and joyful tears for being reassured that I will see him again!