Changes and Boxes...

I haven't posted in a little while because we have been busy moving! We didn't move too far, just about 30 minutes from where we were before. Now I have to cross a river to get to work and I am terrified of bridges over water! So this should be fun! I have never really been a fan of change in my life and now more than ever I just can not handle it. I think we need something new and exciting but I find myself not excited but scared of any and all changes coming my way. I know we will be okay and I often remind myself...look what we have gone through this past year, these little changes in life are nothing compared to what we have already gone through. Then on the other hand we have been through so much that I don't know how much of the other little things in life that I can take.

I am the type that has to have everything organized and in its place so as I began to pack boxes at our old house I became more and more stressed. Seeing boxes everywhere made me so stressed out! Then there was the one box that was the hardest to pack. Elijah's box. I looked around at all the boxes we had packed up in our house and there sitting in our bedroom was his one box with all his things. It just broke my heart to see that but at the same time I am so glad I have a few of his things from the hospital to cling on to. I also had a lot of baby stuffed packed away waiting for him that he never got to use. A lot of Gabrielle's old toys boxed and labeled "baby toys" that will now remain packed away. It was so hard when we got to our new house to put those boxes straight in the basement. I should be using all of those things!

Its also weird meeting new people. The neighbors are all interested in seeing who is moving in and they see us as a cute little family of three, not knowing that we are really a family of four. They look at us and think we are this happy couple moving into this great house with our daughter. They have no idea that are hearts ache for our son. Its just hard to me that when people see us they don't see our son. I know its not something you just start a conversation with but at the same time I want everyone who sees us to know we truly are a family of four.

People just don't realize how every aspect of your life changes. Not just big changes but every little detail and thing you think about or do is changed. Its been a hard week. I hope once I start to feel more comfortable with the changes that have taken place I will be doing better. I think once I am able to unpack more boxes and find a place for things, especially Elijah's pictures and such, it will help.