One day

Yesterday was a hard day for me. It was much harder then I expected. A year ago yesterday was the day we had out big 20 week ultrasound with Elijah. Until then my pregnancy had been great. I was so so sick, just like I was with Gabrielle. And of course everyone says that is a good sign! On July 16th I went into the doctors office with such joy and happiness. So anxious to see my precious baby and excited to take Gabrielle with us to the store afterwards to buy a girl toy or a boy toy for her new sibling. I know exactly what we were all wearing and exactly where we sat in the waiting room. I could tell the ultrasound looked very very different than with Gabrielle. Later I found out that was because of the lack of amniotic fluid. Then of course the doctor later gave us the news of the lack of fluid and we rushed over to the perinatal center for a more detailed ultrasound. There is where we learned the devastating news. All of the horrible possibilities that could be causing such low fluid. I can picture the room and hear the doctors words. I left there so scared of what our future held. I left there begging God to let me keep my baby here in Earth. I left there realizing how fragile and non guaranteed life is. All while Gabrielle is asking "mommy how come we don't now if we are having a boy or a girl and how come you are crying ". What a day. I still had no idea what our journey would be for those months to come until Elijah was born. I had no idea that I would spend 12 weeks in the hospital leading up to his birth. I would do it all again to have those sweet moments with Elijah. I miss them so much. I can't beleive its been an entire year since we first received the news that our lives could change forever.