A Rainbow on the Horizon...

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.



Wow it has been a long time since I have posted.  I have had so many emotions and thoughts over the past few months but they were better kept to myself at the time.  As you probably guessed from that opening quote we are expecting another baby!  I am currently 21 and a half weeks along.  We didn't tell a lot of people that were not close family and friends until after our ultrasound that allowed us to know if this baby had the same condition or not as Elijah.  Even though we would have told them at some point we wanted to be prepared to tell them what was going to happen if we knew for sure this baby would follow along Elijah's path.  So as you can imagine I have been living the last few months bouncing back between Joy and Sorrow as so many of the "baby loss" moms have experienced.  I knew this would be an emotional time but I had no idea.  The day we went in for our ultrasound I was a mess.  I started crying from the minute I got up!  I was so scared of what we were going to find out that day.  As a Christian I know that whatever would have happened God would give us the stregnth to continue on but I just couldn't imagine how I would face things.  After the ultrasound tech told us that the fluid levels looked good and that she could see the kidney's and bladder perfectly fine I would still in a state of doubt.  My husband asked her again to say that the fluid level was good!  It was the news we wanted to hear but it was still hard to take it all in. 

We also found out that day that we are having a girl.  We obviously did not care either way what we would have as long as she or he was healthy.  We will love them the same no matter what.  In some ways I think it might be easier to have a girl because Elijah was our first son but at the same time its hard.  Already that day we got the comment of oh you will have so much pink in your house or wow dad will have to find a place away from all the girls....even though our house is not filled with trains and cars like one with a one and a half year old son should be...we still have a son!  So it is hard to hear comments like that.  I am sure that will never change.  Or of course people will say or girls are this or that compared to boys...and I wish so bad I had my little boy here to know for myself. 

Gabrielle makes sure to point out that she is a "double big sister" as she likes to call it ( :  She is so precious never leaving her brother out of anything!

So that is where I have been the last few months.  Hopefully I can get back on here and post more!  Its been way too long!


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